To work or not to work

I have been reading an article on Oprah.com. Yes. I’m a sucker for her programmes. I find their topics are worth listening or more of reading about.

The topic of discussion was whether should a mother stay at home after giving birth or should she go back to work after her maternity leave. I believe in the society nowadays, there are quite a number of hard-core career-minded women out there who have really made their mark in the working world. Look at all those successful women, such as Margaret Thatcher, Prime Minister for Britain from 1979-1990 or maybe someone nearer to home like Bridget Lai, CEO of Alliance Bank. I can’t comment whether they’ve been doting mothers or not but which women wouldn’t be loving towards their own children. Point being, all women’s maternal instincts will kick in when they get to a certain age.

It has been a topic of discussion between me and my fiancée before. I have no idea what kind of mother would I be, probably on the strict side since I do have the tendency to have an impatient nature in me. So when the topic was discussed on Oprah, it made me think whether is it a wise choice to stop working entirely and throw myself into the livelihood of being a mother or still continue working? My mum used to work when we were young and she managed to bring us up just fine. More than fine I say. All my siblings have terrific careers with well-known multi-national companies. We have never had any deprived childhood, it was wonderful. My mum was always there when we needed someone to fuss over us, though I’ll admit she tend to be a bit strict since she’s a teacher.

I’d love to mirror my mum. Being able to work while taking care of the family, but I feel it’s more of a wishful thinking. I know with the working hours that I keep, it’s going to be pretty challenging to actually build my career while being a fantastic mother. There’ll always be the guilt of not spending enough time with your child, worrying that you’ll be missing out significant moments like when they utter their first word or when they take their first step. The “trend” nowadays for working mothers are either to send your child to daycare or get your in-laws or own parents to take care of your child when you go to work or maybe trust the care to the maid. I know one thing for sure I will never give that responsibility to the maid. Too many accounts on maid abuse on children. Nor would I want my in-laws or my parents taking care of my child. I’m not being daft but I think the roles of grandparents are more to spoil their grandchildren once in a while, and not be a full time nanny. They’ve done their job as a parent and now it’s our turn. No harm in getting them to come and play with their grandchild once a while, supervise or give their opinions on child-rearing but it’s really tiring and tedious thing for them to chase after a toddler that probably has the energy of 10 adults combined together. It might give them a little exercise but it will definitely take a toll on their health. Think about their stress level which can lead to high blood pressure, all the running around and excitement won’t do their joints any good either.

I do sometimes dream of having a rich husband where I wouldn’t need to worry about $$ and stop working. But then, being what Cantonese call “fan chin” meaning, even knowing how lucky you are, you’ll still go and create a complexity I’ll still complain being a “tai-tai” (rich wife with worries only on what colour to choose for manicures, what dress to wear for my afternoon tea meet-up; kidding!). I’ll think how wonderful it is to work and have your own $$ without depending on your husband, being able to dress up in that power-suit and walk into the office, you know the drill. All in all, I’m not sure whether I’ll ever be able to find the perfect blend to be a career woman while being a devoted mum. Until I find the perfect permutation, I’ll just have to make an effort when the time comes.

Like what the famous psychologist, Dr Robin Smith mentioned, “the goal isn’t to have it all because we can’t have it all, but to be attuned with yourself and your children”. I guess I’ll have to be attuned then.